Yeah, alright, ya caught me...

...I'm a directionless heartbroken fool. some semblance of a person walking 'round with half-finished tasks and acquired tastes and compromises upon compromises. but so what if that's me. got me thinking... it's bullshit to say we aren't all walking around like that. and we all pull that same myth over our eyes - that this is how we keep going. this is how it all works out.

and you all have your dreams and aspirations, your goals and obligations, and you ask me in all seriousness again and again like you're checking my progress...

let me tell you now. i've made no fucking progress, no fucking "plans for after" - that undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns. Now you've really caught me. Me and my... apathy.

see, everybody wants to be the hero because we all know heroes have PREDESTINY. they are born to reach something, defeat something, end something, start something. and we all chew the same lie about "oh i want to be in charge and forge my own path and find myself" yada yada. but deep down, we'd all rather know than suffer the trauma of a million defeated aspirations and trails gone cold. we all wonder what we're doing with our lives.

outside of that hero's knowingness, we're all just compromising. every time you feel that pang in the pit of your stomach that's a little like regret with a touch of almost fear, or that not quite but almost rage every time you step down from something because you know you'd be all alone... that fearless part of you that climbed to the top of trees or sang really loud when everyone was looking or threw fits at the grocery store or drew all over the living room walls or snuck into abandoned houses or asked a million questions without even noticing their annoyance...that part gets smaller. and you become less of what you really are.

but it's not your fault. see, the world's made places for everything it thinks it needs. the goal now is not to be who you are, but to find a place. because if you don't have a place, the world doesn't need you, and if the world doesn't need you, you don't exist. and that is the sad arithmetic of a world we created. in fact, we recreate it every day. every day we wake up, and we make this happen.