Yes, it's that time again, and as per usual, a girl's thoughts turn again to procrastination and self-indulgence. I can be the most diligent worker when there's no work to be done, but as soon as the crunch hits, my mind wanders.
Is it intentional, this maddening distraction? Is it my self-conscious self-destructing? Or is it the reality of laziness, the fact of my own stubborn aversion to work of any value? Or, is it that I am afraid to succeed, much more comfortable with the level of responsibility asked of the mediocre? But how to overcome it? Unplug my internet access? Kick the TV and the Playstation to the curb? Lock all my animal compatriots away in a closet? Turn off all the radios? Take the strings off my guitar? Force the Mac's milk to temporarily close? Lock all the doors and board up all the windows? Burn all non-related texts? Take down all decorations? It seems my list of potential distractions is endless, and impossible to avoid. Even the painstaking removal of distractions is a distraction of its own. But if I know I have to do this work, and there's no time to really dawdle about, and if this is truly a matter of academic life or death, how is it so difficult to stay on task?
I've exhausted all other procrastinations. I've looked through every facebook application, triple-checked my e-mail, re-written all of my events on my google calendar, fed and played with every single animal in my house, watched an hour of tv, played at least half an hour of guitar, masturbated twice (If last night at two counts as one for today), clipped my fingernails, plucked my eyebrows, cooked food, watched movie trailers on youtube...and you know what's funny is that there's a lot more functional ways I could be procrastinating, as well. I could've done my laundry, or the dishes. I could've piled my books into functional piles. I could've gone to get my health card, or talked to my old history prof about a reading course next year. Did I do any of those respectable things? No. I have spent hours doing nothing and have nothing tangible to show for it, outside of pleasing eyebrows, pleased pets and a pretty calendar. Horrifying, really.
Well now, I'm going to get to work. Come hell or high water, I plan to have an outline for each of my take-home questions by the end of tonight. I'll make my piles of books, flip through the index for useful pages to read through, and formulate a thesis of sorts. Dammit. If it's the last thing I do, I will create something here tonight. And not just an aimless blog. No. Far more than that.
Is it intentional, this maddening distraction? Is it my self-conscious self-destructing? Or is it the reality of laziness, the fact of my own stubborn aversion to work of any value? Or, is it that I am afraid to succeed, much more comfortable with the level of responsibility asked of the mediocre? But how to overcome it? Unplug my internet access? Kick the TV and the Playstation to the curb? Lock all my animal compatriots away in a closet? Turn off all the radios? Take the strings off my guitar? Force the Mac's milk to temporarily close? Lock all the doors and board up all the windows? Burn all non-related texts? Take down all decorations? It seems my list of potential distractions is endless, and impossible to avoid. Even the painstaking removal of distractions is a distraction of its own. But if I know I have to do this work, and there's no time to really dawdle about, and if this is truly a matter of academic life or death, how is it so difficult to stay on task?
I've exhausted all other procrastinations. I've looked through every facebook application, triple-checked my e-mail, re-written all of my events on my google calendar, fed and played with every single animal in my house, watched an hour of tv, played at least half an hour of guitar, masturbated twice (If last night at two counts as one for today), clipped my fingernails, plucked my eyebrows, cooked food, watched movie trailers on youtube...and you know what's funny is that there's a lot more functional ways I could be procrastinating, as well. I could've done my laundry, or the dishes. I could've piled my books into functional piles. I could've gone to get my health card, or talked to my old history prof about a reading course next year. Did I do any of those respectable things? No. I have spent hours doing nothing and have nothing tangible to show for it, outside of pleasing eyebrows, pleased pets and a pretty calendar. Horrifying, really.
Well now, I'm going to get to work. Come hell or high water, I plan to have an outline for each of my take-home questions by the end of tonight. I'll make my piles of books, flip through the index for useful pages to read through, and formulate a thesis of sorts. Dammit. If it's the last thing I do, I will create something here tonight. And not just an aimless blog. No. Far more than that.
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